MEDIA & ETHICS | DECEMBER 4, 2024

Ben Sherwood’s Daily Beast Christmas: Sex, Porn and Sleaze—With a Dash of Bigotry

Ben Sherwood with neon lights showing Daily Beast, etc.

OK, people! We’ve been losing millions every year for almost a decade! It’s time to right this ship, batten the hatches and get our act together. How? The word is porn! And that’s the memo—straight from the bossman, Mister Daily Beast himself, Big Ben Sherwood!

So let’s hear some ideas! Matt! Whatcha got?

Nope, I’m afraid we’ve already done “I’m a Porn Star. This Anti-Pornhub Crusader Is Dead Wrong,” “How Porn Is Getting in on the Documentary Craze: ‘I Want to Show Them My Raw Self’” and “How Porn Stars Are Fighting Back.” [Actual Daily Beast headlines.]

Yes, Mary Ann, sex is good, too! Sex is great! The weirder the better!

He’s our ace liar—loves it, lives it and has the guts to tell the world about it.

Oh, if you’d been keeping up, you would’ve known we already did a piece on “Why Is Step-Incest Porn So Insanely Popular Right Now?” Any other ideas? Come on! Kevin! You got any kinky ideas?

“Was Sex the Secret of Mother Teresa’s Success?” Brilliant! Let’s keep ’em coming! Big Ben Sherwood didn’t frame a copy of that lawsuit from Good Morning America producer Kirstyn Crawford accusing him of creepy, inappropriate touching and hang it on his wall for nothing!

Now, Kevin, grab Tony Ortega to help you with the fake research on Mother Teresa. Yeah, he’s the one from Backpage.com, who helped them become the biggest online child sex trafficking hub on Earth. Great at the kinky stuff. He’s our resident religion expert.

And if you need help phonying up the article, there’s Tony’s pal Mike Rinder, if you can catch him for a few minutes when he’s not beating up women. He’s our ace liar—loves it, lives it and has the guts to tell the world about it.

Two hours later

Great meeting, everyone! OK, we’ve got the Mother Teresa scandal, “Hamster Sex and What It Tells Us About Ourselves,” “Ostrich Porn: Is That a Thing?” and “Stripper Discovers She Has THREE ****s.” Awesome! That’ll show the world what The Daily Beast is all about!

Alex, take these ideas to Ben Sherwood for his final OK.

NO, NOT NOW!

When he’s in the office by himself with the “I’m Doing Something” sign hung on the knob, it’s death if you even knock! He’ll be out in, oh, I’d say five minutes. As soon as he’s done doing, er… something…

OK, team! Let’s give Big Ben what he wants for Christmas: a whole sleigh full of sex, bigotry and sleaze!

KEYWORDS

BEN SHERWOOD SEXUAL PREDATOR LAWSUIT TONY ORTEGA MIKE RINDER THE DAILY BEAST BIGOTRY

AUTHOR

Martin Landon

Martin Landon is happy to say that at present he is not doing anything he doesn’t love. Using Scientology, he helps people daily, both one-on-one through life coaching, and globally, through his webinars. He has also authored books, movies, plays, TV shows, and comic strips and currently writes for STAND, which gives him great joy.

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