MEDIA & ETHICS | JULY 9, 2024

Martha Ross Has a Huge Crush on Sex Trafficking Champion Tony Ortega

Martha Ross is a features writer for The Mercury News in the Bay area. The following notes were confiscated by her homeroom teacher last week.

I love Tony Ortega! (Hearts and rainbows emoji.) I LO-O-O-O-O-O-VE HIM! I don’t care WHO knows it! I love his soulful eyes, his dreamy nose and the beautiful words that come from his lips, like: “Child sex trafficking? WHAT child sex trafficking?”

Yeah, right! Just because he spent all that time promoting Backpage, which was the largest online marketplace in the world for selling underage girls into sex slavery, some of them raped at gunpoint, and the execs were arrested and convicted, people tell me I should steer clear of him! They’re not the boss of me! They DON’T UNDERSTAND my Tony’s “bad-boy” vibe! I will follow him to the ENDS of the EARTH, and I will quote his EVERY WORD! (Unicorn emoji, more hearts.)

BECAUSE HE’S A FELLOW JOURNALIST, THAT’S WHY!!! (Pen emoji, typewriter emoji.) Haven’t you ever heard of the FIRST AMENDMENT???!!! (Mount Rushmore emoji, American flag emoji, Elvis emoji.)

I wrote my article! Tony said he LOVED IT! He couldn’t find a scrap of truth in it!! I’m blushing!!!

The next day:

I am so so so so so so-o-o-o-o UPSET!!!!! (Crying emoji, devil emoji.) The Church of Scientology sent me all this bad, bad evidence that my Tony MADE UP a story about these two teen rape victims and the publication had to TAKE IT ALL BACK in print, and THEN how he made up ANOTHER story about a construction company finding a Confederate gravesite, and THEN how he’s not a credible source on their religion, has never set foot in a Scientology Church and is an all-around bigot!!! I AM SO UPSET!!! (Broken heart emoji.)

No, I am NOT going to break up with him! I am TRUE to my Tony-Wony! He’s my very own Bad Boy! But I’ll show THEM! I’ll write a nasty article about Scientology (my 43rd) AND I’ll quote Tony as my primary source!

Don’t talk to me about truth in journalism! It’s NOT LYING! IT’S CREATIVE WRITING, YOU DWEEB!!! (Tinkerbell at typewriter emoji.)

The next day:

Well, I wrote my article! Tony said he LOVED IT! He couldn’t find a scrap of truth in it!! I’m blushing!!! (Red-faced grinning schoolgirl surrounded by hearts emoji.) I wanna write “TONY” with a permanent marker on my right eyelid and “ORTEGA” on my left. Let’s meet in the girl’s room over recess and you can help me!!!

The next day:

Here’s my poem! I spent ALL NIGHT writing it!!!

Tony, Tony, Tony,

Without you I am lonely!

I don’t care that you’re a phony,

And what you say baloney,

You’re still my one and only!

I’m your devoted crony!

I’ll quote you all the time!

Until the end of time!

Cuz you’re my Tony

And I’m your Martha!

The End.

…I KNOW! But I couldn’t find anything to rhyme with “Martha” except “Siddhartha!!!”

Yeah, I COULD change my name to Moan-y…

OMG! Here comes the principal! Quick! Eat the notes!!!

KEYWORDS

AUTHOR

Martin Landon

Martin Landon is happy to say that at present he is not doing anything he doesn’t love. Using Scientology, he helps people daily, both one-on-one through life coaching, and globally, through his webinars. He has also authored books, movies, plays, TV shows, and comic strips and currently writes for STAND, which gives him great joy.

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